Finding The Real Me

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”  - Stephen Chbosky

I've been debating whether or not to write this post and share all my feelings, with basically the world online. But I feel like im finally starting to achieve things in my life, and why should i be held back by my insecurities.

So about 2/3 months ago, before I went on holiday with my boyfriend I started feeling really insecure about my appearance, my life, my job, my work, basically everything that was happening in my life just made me feel crap and down. I got to the point where I had most definitely had enough and it was time to make a change in my life, a big change at that.

I took a plunge, me being one of the most un-motivated, un-energetic person I signed up for a 3 month contract at the gym. I thought I would have a dabble and start doing some exercise to get back some energy into my life, to see if it would make me feel any better, and to be really honest  I started feeling great. I worked out 3 times a week for the 2 weeks before we went away and could really feel a difference. However, whilst we were on holiday i was constantly looking at people and wishing that was me in a different body. Ive always been between a 14-16 since i can remember, but lately ive been edging towards the size 16 end which is something I am really not happy about. On holiday, I basically kept myself covered up for the whole week, something which now im looking back on i regret. There was bigger people than me whilst we were away, and it really put a downer on my holiday.

So since I came back I worked super hard at the gym to achieve my goal, I wanted to lose 1 stone before we went away again at the end of August just to see how much of a difference I would feel. I know that 1 stone would make a difference to my weight but not necessarily my size and shape. So In the end I lost 1st 3lbs before we jetted off to spain. I wasn't so bad about covering up all of my body on holiday, although I kept my stomach covered all the time. These insecurities were eating away at my personality and in a sense destroying the person I was. Im the most loudest, bubliest, talkative person who enjoys talking to people, having a drink, having a laugh and socialising. But since christmas 2012 I have felt myself changing and i put this down to my appearance.

I started slimming world this week in order to help aid me with my diet, as well as continuing with my exercise. The point of this post was for me to explain how i felt, I can't babble on to my family, friends and my boyfriend anymore because they like me the way I am but i know with myself that I am not happy and thats why Ive had to make these changes in my life.

One small change such as adding in a little bit of exercise can honestly make you feel so different as  a person and it is something i never thought i actually would enjoy. I love it, I hope that you wont mind me keeping my journey to losing weight published on here, as writing it down really makes me think twice and focus on what I want to achieve. Plus I know its not just me out there that feels down, for whatever reason it may be, there are people feeling like me, and I just want them to know that there is always someone there and things that you can do to feel better.

"Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle." -Martin Luther King, Jr

Nobody should be made to feel so small, and so little to anybody, and nobody should feel so negative about themselves to the point were they change their personality and the real person they are. I felt so bad I started tearing apart at the people who mattered most to me in my life, i changed and became a person no one wanted to be around, but thats all changing now.

This post was rather hard for me to write, and explain my life over the past couple of months, but I just hope that people appreciate how i've been feeling about everything, and this is the reason why I haven't been posting much on my blog lately.

I know that this break from blogging has made me realise how much I actually value everyone in my life, even the readers of my blog, and how much I actually value myself as a person.

Goodbye to the old me, and hello to the new chapter in my life.